The Horse That Saved My Life

If you have read my profile, you know that what has "defined" me for the last few months was the sudden, tragic death of my 26 year old son, who was my only child. We recently observed his birthday on June 9th. He would have been 27. What a ridiculously young age to die for a young man who appeared to have life by the tail, and was well on his way to being the successful person he was determined to be. One simple mistake was all it took. That mistake was giving up control and leaving the responsibility of driving his car to his friend. It's tough not to go through the events leading to that fatal second over and over, relentlessly sometimes. It's a futile endeavor though, no good ever comes from it. Just a bunch of "what ifs". Useless. I've given up that activity for the most part. These days I dwell on what would make my son proud of me. What would he want me to do? The answer came clearly, with no distortion or doubt. Follow my dreams. Be happy. Simple as that. Be all that Kristy can be. That's what he would want for sure. His last words to me when I spoke to him a couple of days before he died were "Don't worry Mom, you're spot in Heaven is guaranteed. Just be happy". Little did I know he would beat me there. His last text message to me was "Time, patience, and perserverance". That message was in reference to my long held dream of having a Friesian horse of my own, and having a breeding program in place for these majestic, truly spectacular creatures. He had known for years the level and extent of my passion for these horses. He had always taken it with a grain of salt until he met several of them, up close and personal, when we happened, by chance, upon a Friesian farm in Star Valley, on our way to Yellowstone 2 years ago. He was impressed! He got it. He told me then that he had no doubt that I would achieve my dream some day, and to "just never give up. Time, patience and perserverance".

I have never been 100% sure of my beliefs in the "afterlife", but I have come to believe in one thing for sure - there IS one. I believe that the human spirit doesn't just extinguish and disappear when someone dies. I believe that the human spirit, or soul, is a permanent thing. It just takes one physical form or another to be able to "live" on this plane and experience "life" as a mortal. I also believe that the plane of existence for those who have passed on is kind of like a parallel universe that those of us still here are pretty much oblivious to. Aubrey was what all of his friends described as "a video game savant". No one could ever beat him, no matter what game was played. He had the touch. I find much amusement in picturing him up in heaven with the controls in his hand to the ultimate video game of "My mom's life". We've taken to lovingly calling him the Puppet Master. I have watched my life, and dreams, unfold before my very eyes, and I know without a doubt that he has been the one making it happen.

My plan had always been to find some way to build a legacy to leave my son. It was slow going. I was pretty far behind my "schedule", but never doubted that I'd get it done. Instead, my son left me a legacy. Between his life insurance policy at work, a life insurance we bought for him when he started riding motorcycles at 16 years old, and the accidental death coverage on his car, suddenly there was enough money to finally put my dreams (for his legacy) into place. The very first item on the list was a horse, of course! A Friesian horse to be exact. I have been researching this breed for years. I know pretty much everything there is to be known about them. I have also been "shopping" for one for a couple of years. The ones in Star Valley were the closest to this area I had ever found. Unfortunately, the lady that owned them moved away to California and took them with. There are only about 2000 of them in the U.S., and about 70% of those are located back on the east coast. The rest are scattered around Washington, Oregon, Texas and California. There's a few in Idaho, Utah and Colorado, and a few more scattered about the U.S. The rest of the world's population of them are located in Friesland (Netherlands), which is where they're originally from, and Australia and Europe.

When Aubrey died, I renewed my Friesian pledge. Only this time I had a different agenda. My goal was to have one that I could name after him, and thereby have his name go down in the offical Friesian Horse Studbook, that is held and ruled by Beatrix, Queen of the Netherlands. It's very presigious, and there are strict rules and standards to adhere to. I had to make sure that the horse I was to have would be 100% qualified for that position. I struggled (briefly) with how to implement my plan. Would I buy a mare and breed her? Or would I just buy a stallion colt? Geldings are great for showing and competing, but they don't lend much to a breeding program. I even thought about buying a yearling filly to breed later. There WAS a cost factor here, a baby is the cheapest way to go. Then I remembered something about the Friesian world - well, the offical royal one anyway. Each year FHANA, the Friesian Horse Association of North America, designates a few letters of the alphabet for naming of that year's crop of foals. It just so happened that THIS year (2008) is the year for the A's. That meant that if I was to be able to officially name a foal Aubrey, it HAD to be this year or I would have to wait for another 8 years. By the time I remembered this very important fact, it was already late May. Most of this year's foals had already been born! Then something extraordinary happened. I FOUND her! I found MY horse. I found my Elke. She was still in foal and not due till July, she was in foal to a rather famous stallion that I had planned on breeding to already, she was only 7 years old (perfect age), and this was her first foal. And the icing on the cake was that she was in Park City! A mere 130 miles from me! In all my years of searching I had never seen anything that fit as well as this did. (Puppet Master!) More icing on the cake was she was being sold at a GREAT price! She's definitely worth more than I paid for her, and the foal is worth more than half of that - unborn! The timing was exquisit as well. I had just found her and gone to see her a few days before my parents arrived with all of Aubrey's belongings and his ashes. My dad also brought with him a very large insurance check, as he was the legal Administrator of Aubrey's estate. He put the check in my account in the morning, and by that evening I had paid the down payment on Elke. The timing was crucial because there were 2 other people on their way to see her, and I had to move with urgency to make sure she would be mine.

Elke is currently being boarded at a local stable that is conveniently located on my way to work, so I spend 2-3 hours every day with her. She's been adjusting to her new surroundings, and we've been getting along very well. She is a big, giant sweetheart, with the biggest, softest, sweetest brown eyes you've ever seen. She's VERY pregnant, being due to foal in a month, and yet is still a wonder to behold. To watch her move is poetry in motion. She holds her noble head high up on her lovely, arching neck, picks that tail up, and off she goes through the pasture - her knees coming all the way up to her body. She's gorgeous and she knows it! The vet has already said he just loves her, and has found himself very drawn to this breed. He's even asked to come along in September to the Keuring (judging) in Heber City to learn more. He observed her sweet nature, willing temperment, and kind eyes, and told me that he can tell she will make a wonderful mother. We don't know for sure whether the baby will be a boy or a girl, but I'm here to tell you right now that I can't imagine it being anything other than a boy. And his name will be Aubrey Lieu. And that name will be in the offical, royally held studbook forever. That is my tribute to Aubrey. All his life, he was a performer, whether it was doing impersonations, imitations, cracking jokes, or writing and singing songs with his band, Egress. Friesians are natural performers and competitors. I believe that Aubrey Lieu will be a vessel for the soul of Aubrey, and we will witness great performances, and receive much love from him. And he and his mom will never be parted . . . except by death.